Befriend Wisely

Every brother and sister in Christ is not your friend. This may not be what you want to hear, but understanding it may offer some comfort as it pertains to relationships and discerning how to position people in your life and how much availability and access people have to you and your pour.

There is a level of commitment, selflessness, reciprocity, and loyalty that comes with friendships. I’ve made the mistake of calling certain people in the body of Christ friends way too quickly only to realize that they were simply an assignment, associate, or mentee. The minute someone else came along and gave them what they wanted to hear, they were gone!

One thing about me is that I value people greatly and when I’m for you I’m for you. Time, distance, nor finances are never a barrier between me and my friends.

For years, I’ve received words and warnings concerning relationships. I had a lot of fickle people around me who presented themselves as friends, but soon drifted away at the sight of someone or something “better.” I soon realized that those who fade away so quickly were never meant to be categorized as friends in the first place.

So, my circle is very small in this season. My availability and accessibility is different. There are some who get a response quickly whereas there are others where God is like tread lightly they can wait.

My friends are the ones who war with me spiritually, but will also call to laugh and drag me out the house or even come to the house to simply fellowship with me. My friends will see me in a bind and will inconvenience themselves to help however they can even if it’s financially. My friends are the ones who counsel me and pray for who I’ll marry because they know that whoever that man is will be like family to them. My friends mention my name, ministry, and business to others seeing the value of what God has placed inside of me. My friends don’t allow themselves to become so familiar with me that they cut off our friendship to chase people who truly will never commit to fully doing life with them. My friends don’t assume everything is free. Instead, they say how much do you charge to do A, B, and C. My friends can communicate consistently even when the conversation sounds like them needing to shift their focus or availability.

These are the conversations and topics that many don’t want to discuss. Some will say God called them to another place in relationships, but me being someone who pays attention to patterns can often see that those same people really just use that terminology as an excuse to avoid being a committed friend.

This is not a bitter rant, but it is an issue that needs to be handled with more maturity, especially in the body of Christ. Some people need to go to therapy to identify the root of their inability to be a good friend. Your friendships shouldn’t be limited to the one who prophesies to you the most, the one who goes to church with you, the one who looks and acts like you, the one who loves in your same region,  or the one who gives you everything that appeases your flesh. Your friends are the ones who are with you for the long run and they will sharpen you, love you, correct you, show up for you, cover you, and partner with you in life.

So, as stated before, understand that not every believer in Christ is your friend. Understanding this will help you to discern and properly place people in your life. This will also help you to not invest more than what should be given to those who function more as takers than the partners who value reciprocity. This does not mean you have to be disrespectful to those who have mishandled your “friendship,” as instructed by the Holy Spirit simply learn to be cordial, but not invested in those whom you know will not reciprocate the love you show as a friend.

Work the Word

Proverbs 17:17 AMP

A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 18:24 AMP

The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin,
But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 27:17 AMP

As iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens [and influences] another [through discussion].

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Dr Ashlei

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Dr. Ashlei Evans
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